


Dude-in-Distress

by VigilantSycamore



Series: BatCat Week 2018 [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: BatCat Week 2018, F/M, dude in distress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 14:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16557401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VigilantSycamore/pseuds/VigilantSycamore
Summary: Once in a while, a villain actually got lucky and got the drop on Batman. Sometimes Bruce managed to free himself, sometimes he needed to be rescued - this was one of the latter. But of all villains, why did it have to be this guy? Selina was never going to let him live this down.





	Dude-in-Distress

Of all the villains to get the drop on him, why did it have to be _this_ one?

He could tell he was never going to live this down the moment Selina snuck onto the balcony above the pool and looked down at him with a smug smile.

“Alright, get it out of your system now,” Bruce said.

Selina chuckled. “Why would I do that, when I can remind you of this for years to come?”

Bruce rolled his eyes. “At least get me out of here.”

That just got a mock gasp. “Are you saying you need my help to get you out of this situation?”

Bruce mumbled something.

“What was that?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Bruce said.

“Sorry, I’m going to need more detail than that.”

“I need you to help me get out of these pool noodles,” Bruce said slowly.

Selina grinned at him, then drew her whip from its holster and swung it around the guardrail on the walkway above them both. She jumped off the balcony and the whip carried her over to where Bruce was suspended upside down from the ceiling by a chain made from the foam tubes.

She grabbed onto a pool noodle with one hand, and flicked the other hand to launch her claws. She slashed the noodles around Bruce’s arms to pieces, then with one last slash she cut the one that bound his feet together. Bruce dropped into the water, putting his arms together in front of him during the fall like an Olympic diver. Selina decided she’d rather not get in the water, so she yanked her whip down from the guardrail, then somersaulted down to the side of the pool, landing on all fours and rolling with the fall.

While she got to her feet, Bruce resurfaced and swam to the edge of the pool. When he got out of the water, he smiled at her. “Thanks.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Selina said with a shrug. “After all, you _are_ up against one of Gotham’s most fearsome villains.”

Selina started laughing at her own joke, and Bruce – deciding that he wasn’t going to salvage his dignity from this chain of events anyway, and being reminded of how cute Selina was when she laughed – laughed along with her.

It was at that moment that the criminal who’d put Bruce in his earlier predicament sauntered back into the room.

“Well, Batman, I hope you’ve had time to think of some suitable last-” Nigel Poole paused when he saw a wet but very much _not_ restrained Batman glaring at him, and an amused Catwoman standing next to Batman. “Oh dear,” Nigel said. “No matter. Even the two of you together are no match for The Pool Noodle Man!”

Bruce threw a pool noodle at him and knocked him to the ground. He stepped closer to the downed villain and picked the noodle up again. “You will tell me where you put my utility belt,” he said calmly, but with a steely undertone, “or I will start hitting you in the face with this noodle.”

The Pool Noodle Man gulped. “It’s in the equipment locker!” he said. “Right behind the pile of swim fins!”

“Thanks,” Bruce said. He pulled Nigel up and tied his wrists together with the pool noodle. Before heading for the locker, he looked at Selina. “Promise me we will never speak of this again.”

Selina hummed. “I make no promises. But I’ll be nice,” she conceded.

**Author's Note:**

> Pool Noodle Man is not, as far as I know, a comic book character. I made him up specifically as a joke villain.


End file.
